


Dating Advice

by dementor_ssc



Series: So You Want To Be A Demonologist [4]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence, Dating, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:48:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7553764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dementor_ssc/pseuds/dementor_ssc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas would like to get out more. Meet someone special. Have a steady relationship. Someday.<br/>Too bad he has no idea how to do any of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Advice from Eduardo

**Author's Note:**

> This one has been nearly finished for about three weeks, but then pokemon go happened. Sorry if this feels rushed!

Oh stars. This was a disaster.

They had found it.

"Dude... is this yours?" Brad asked, holding up the book Thomas had tried to hide behind his old desktop computer.

"Why are you snooping behind my desk? Give me that," Thomas said, trying to salvage the situation, but Maria snatched the book out of Brad's hands before he could grab it.

" _'Mr Magnifico's Guido To Love's Mysteries - Become A Heartbreaker In Five Easy Steps (And Seventy-Eight Hard Ones)_ '," she read out loud. Even Tyrone would be hard-pressed to rival the amount of demonic glee on her face.

Thomas hid his face in his hands. All was lost.

"Are you seriously taking dating advice from - what is this, a stage magician? What kind of name is 'Mr Magnifico' anyway?"

"I don't know, I didn't look it up," Thomas said. "It was on sale, okay?"

"I can see why," Tyrone said, literally hovering over Maria's shoulder while she leafed through the book. "Step twenty-seven: dazzle your date with your knowledge of the mating habits of bees!"

Thomas hid his flaming hot cheeks behind the couch pillow. Maybe he could suffocate himself with it. Spare himself the embarrassment.

"Sheesh dude," Brad said. "I didn't know you were this desperate."

"Thanks," Thomas said.

"You know, if you need advice, we're a lot better than this joke of a book," Maria said. “But what happened? Weren’t you dating Alice?”

“I wouldn’t call them dates. We just hung out.” Alice was nice, but the few times they’d gone out he hadn’t managed to get five words in edgewise. She was fun to listen to, occasionally. But there hadn’t been a spark.

Maybe it was childish of him to want a spark - it’s not like he had many options. Whatever the opposite of a smooth talker was, he was it, and Alice was the only girl he’d ever met who wasn’t put off by his lack of suaveness. Maybe because she was used to managing ninety percent of the conversation all by herself, but still…

Oh boy. Brad was staring at him, and that pensive look never boded well.

“Let’s see what the problem is,” he said. "It's not your looks, those are passable..."

Thomas rolled his eyes. "So it's my personality. That's what you're saying?"

"No no no, that's not - well, maybe. It's just... You gotta get out more, dude." Brad shrugged. "How are you ever going to meet someone if you stay cooped up in the demonology lab all day and night?"

"Hey, I'm not always working! I spend my nights with Tyrone," Thomas said. He realized how that sounded, and quickly added, "And with you guys. And I do go out! It's just, when I do meet a girl I like... Conversations are so awkward, you know? I never know what to say."

"Maybe you just need practice," Eduardo said. "And I have just the thing you need!"

“This is going to be interesting,” Maria said, while Eduardo took out his phone. “A dating app?”

“No, better,” Eduardo said, and showed Thomas the screen. “A dating sim.”

Thomas looked at the cartoonish figure on the screen, a text bubble proclaiming her to be the number one dating simulator of the year, and asking if he wanted to load an old game, start a new one, or ‘toggle the tentacles’ which hopefully meant some kind of options menu and not something else.

"No offence Eddy, but this is almost as bad as that ridiculous book."

Tyrone frowned. "Can I see it for a moment?"

"Sure," Eduardo said, and handed him the phone.

"Looking for dating advice too, Tyrone?" Maria teased.

"No. I just want to check if this game isn't cursed to become sentient and tries to murder everyone she considers competition for 'her' boyfriend."

"That... happens often, then?"

"Better safe than sorry."

“I’m having second thoughts about this,” Thomas said. “And I find the tentacles-option a bit... concerning.”

“Don’t worry, the odds of your date turning out to be a tentacle monster are very low,” Tyrone said.

“Again, that’s not something that I’m usually worried about.”

“Do you want to try it?” Eduardo said. “Not the tentacle thing, the dating sim.”

Thomas sighed. “I’m not going to get out of this without saying yes, am I?”

“It’ll be fun,” Maria promised. “Go on Eddy, let’s start a new game.”

 

* * *

 

**The Date**

Her name was Melissa. They had met in the university library, where she’d been checking out some books on law enforcement and he’d scraped together his courage to start a conversation with her. It had gone smoother than expected and now they were sharing a table at Tribals Coffee Corner, enjoying a cinnamon latte and a slice of pie.

Conversation lagged a bit. Maybe try one of the standard openings of the simulator?

“So have you even been here before?” he asked, stirring his coffee.

She smiled. "Oh, no at all. I’ve never even heard of Tribals Coffee before. I always go to the Skybucks on the other side of campus.”

“Tribals is more convenient for me,” he said. “It’s located right between my apartment and my job.”

“That is convenient,” she agreed. “So you’re a bit of a coffee aficionado?”

“Definitely,” he said. “I can really use that boost in the morning. You?”

“Same. I’m not a morning person at all.” She looked out of the window. “This is pretty close to the demonology building, isn’t it?”

He nodded. That was the reason he came here so often, after all. He opened his mouth to tell her about his work, but her next words stalled him.

“Don’t you ever have trouble with them?” she said, still looking at the busy street through the window.

Thomas frowned. “Trouble? What kind of trouble do you mean?”

“I wouldn’t dare to walk around this side of campus late at night. There are stories…” She shook her head and met his eyes. “I can’t believe the university still allows demon worshippers on campus, let alone have a whole department for them. That’s just asking for problems.”

This... was not going well.

“Don’t you agree?” she went on. “Demon summoning should be illegal. It’s too dangerous. But no, instead they teach it to students. Who ever thought that was a good idea?” She made a face. “Sorry, I didn’t want to go on a tangent about this. My neighbour died after he tried to summon a demon. It was horrible. I wasn’t home at the time, but my sister could hear the screams... She still has nightmares.”

“That does sound horrible,” Thomas said.

“It was,” Melissa agreed. “Anyway, that’s why I decided to go for law enforcement. Catch those creeps before they summon anything dangerous.” She smiled at him. “What do you study?”

There was an awkward pause.

“I graduated in June,” he said. “Er… demonology.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Oh,” she said, eyes wide and embarrassed.

He glanced away. “Yeah…”


	2. Advice from Brad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You need to find someone with common interests,” Brad said. “Then you’ll always have something to talk about. And make sure she likes demonology before you go on a date.”

“Too bad,” Eduardo said, when Thomas related the disaster his latest date had been. “Better luck next time, dude.”

“Ridiculous how some people don’t understand the need for good demonologists,” Maria complained. “You’re better off without that girl, Thomas.”

"You need to find someone with common interests,” Brad said. “Then you’ll always have something to talk about. And make sure she likes demonology before you go on a date.”

“We were watching a movie,” Thomas said. “Can we go back to that? Instead of discussing my non-existent love life?”

“I can’t see a friend in need without at least _trying_ to help,” Brad said. “Take it from me, dude. You should go somewhere that attracts people with the same hobbies.”

“Like you do, haunting Twin Souls fansites?” Maria said.

“What? It works!”

"Either you only pretend to like Twin Souls so you can pick up girls, which is a bit creepy,” Thomas said. “Or you actually like Twin Souls, which is... less creepy? I think?"

"Ha ha. You're a real comedian," Brad said.

“There’s a demonology convention coming up, maybe you’ll have better luck there,” Tyrone said, smoothly changing the subject away from his personal horror. His wings popped out. “I can be your wingman!”

“Do you even know what a wingman does?”

“At least you really have wings,” Eduardo said. “Why do they even call someone a wingman if they can’t fly?”

“Anyway,” Thomas said, before this got even more off the rails. “Can I restart the movie now? Everyone’s curiosity is satisfied?”

“I think it has something to do with piloting,” Brad said.

“Wait, don’t restart the movie just yet,” Maria said. “I’m going to grab another Pitt.”

“I wish I could fly an airplane,” Eduardo said. “My aunt had a flying carpet, that looked cool too.”

“Wow, I didn’t know they still made those.”

“They still do,” Tyrone said. “Mostly for shows or stuff like that, because they are hell to steer and frayed pretty easily. Not something you want to experience when you’re twelve feet up in the air.”

"True," Eduardo said. "Hey, Tyrone? If I find that carpet, could you fix it? I've always wanted to try it out."

"Sure," Tyrone said. "But I want to take a turn driving it."

"You can fly on your own," Thomas said.

"That's different!"

Brad shivered. "No offence, dude, but you aren't allowed to steer _any_ vehicle _ever_ _again_."

"R͐eͨa̓ͮ͂áͮ̔̽͆aͩͧ͑̐̊ͩlͤͫl͛ͮ͐ỹͦ͐̓̉̍," Tyrone said, demonic buzz slipping into his voice. "And _how_ are you planning to stop me, ê̒̓̃x͒̆a̓c̐͑̄̋t̂l̐̽̑y̆?"

"You want to finish the co-op version of Insectomator, don't you?"

Tyrone put a hand dramatically on his forehead. "Oh no, you have discovered my one weakness: videogames!"

"And candy," Thomas added. "Let's face it, you're the easiest demon to bribe. I've seen you take a deal in exchange for a beaten-up tuba."

"It was a sousaphone, to be precise. And it had nostalgic value."

"Not according to Hicks."

"I wasn't talking about him."

"Wait," Maria said, standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a can of Pitt Cola and a new bag of chips. "You got nostalgic for a tuba?"

Brad frowned. "I thought you played the violin."

"I know many instruments," Tyrone said stiffly.

"Okay, but you're only known for the violin." Maria grinned. "Imagine, the great and scary Alcor the Dreambender, playing a tuba."

"It was a sousaphone and shut up."

"Hey now, I'm not saying it's a bad thing! Good for you, fight those clichés!"

Thomas sat back in his chair while his friends tried to cajole Tyrone into giving a demonstration. Shared hobbies, shared interests... Maybe Brad had a point. It was worth a try, right?

 

* * *

 

**The Date**

Occasionally they had to attend demonology conventions. Thomas didn’t mind, because this was a good opportunity to network and some of the presentations were pretty interesting.

Not this one though. He and Tyrone had been quietly mocking the presentation about how useful and easy to bind Kalanchoe the Vibrant was - "It manifests as a house plant, who can ever take a _talking house plant_ seriously?" - and the girl sitting right behind them had overheard.

“I know, right? This guy has no clue what he’s talking about,” she said. “My name is Valentina by the way.”

“Thomas,” he introduced himself. “And this is – wait, where did he go?” There was a suspiciously Tyrone-free space on the chair next to him.

“Your friend? He just ran off,” Valentina said. She smiled. “I can’t blame him, this presentation is so boring. Want to get out of here?”

Thomas’ mouth felt dry. Come on, Thomas… She seems nice, she likes demons or she wouldn’t be at a demonology convention, and let’s admit it, she’s beautiful. Just go for it.

“Sure,” he said. “There’s a coffee place next door.”

Coffee was the best place for a first date, in Thomas’ opinion. Awkward silence? Just hold the mug in front of your face, pretend you’re silently enjoying the warmth and coffee smell. Date going badly? A cup of coffee is quickly emptied and even gives extra energy if you need to flee.

Fleeing was the last thing on his mind though. His coffee went cold on the table as they talked – about demons, mostly, but also about little chit-chat like their families and hobbies and it was… surprisingly nice.

She had three brothers and she played the piano. He told her what it was like growing up in a bakery and how he’d spend summers with his cousin, playing silly roleplaying games. She said she’d never tried roleplaying games but it sounded fun. She said she’d like to see him again sometime.

This was going so well! She was confident and funny and he was having a really good time.

Until her smile turned hesitant and the conversation faltered. “Can I ask you something?”

“Uh. Sure?”

“I normally wouldn’t ask this on the first date,” she said, “but I really feel like we have this connection, you know?”

Thomas returned her smile. “I feel the same way.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” She took a deep breath. “This is kind of a deal-breaker for me, but I really think you’re the right person… would you be willing to convert?”

He blinked.

“Er… I’m not religious,” he said.

“It’s not strictly a religion. We’re not acknowledged as a real religion yet, but give us time!”

“What exactly are we talking about here?”

“I am a member of the House of the Emerald Needle. We’re a bit weird about dating non-members, but you like demons, don’t you?" She laughed a bit nervously. "Of course you do, we met at a demonology convention.”

Ah, damn it.

“That’s the cult of Exaella, isn’t it?” he said,  with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“That’s the one,” she said. She pulled up her sleeve and proudly showed him the green symbols tattooed all around her arm. “We’re a very tight-knit congregation.”

Thomas wondered if she knew those symbols were ancient Sumerian for ‘delicious’ and ‘tender’. She had to know, didn’t she? You’d look up the meaning before having a tattoo, right?

 “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t think I want to join a cult.”

“Oh.” She sighed, her eyes large and chocolate brown and disappointed. “Are you sure?”

Well… maybe it wouldn’t be so bad –

What the hell was he thinking? He couldn’t join a cult! And definitely not one that tattooed its members with cooking instructions!

“I’m sure,” he said. “Sorry. I promised my parents I would never join a cult, so…”

“They don’t have to know. You're old enough to make your own decisions and we could really use you. Every person counts in the House of the Emerald Needle." She bit her lip, a nervous gesture that of course drew his attention immediately to how red and full her lips were.

Was that intentional? Was she playing him? (Man, hanging around Tyrone had made him slightly paranoid.)

"You aren't going to be weird about this, are you?" she said. "Some people just don't understand how powerful and amazing demons are, but you _must_ understand,I know you do. Join us?”

 “No thanks,” he said. “I know too much about demons to _ever_ revere them in any way. And, well... I don’t really trust cults. Eventually it always ends in bloodshed, one way or another.”

“Okay, fine,” she said, a lot less friendly now. “I see I’ve been mistaken about you. I thought you were more open-minded than this.”

“Apparently not,” he said. He finished his coffee and took out his wallet to pay. “Please don’t take it personally, I just don’t like cults.”

“You liar,” she said, her eyes glued to his wallet. She’d snatched the shiny black business card out of it before he could protest. “You already are in a cult! Circle of the Dreamer’s Star?”

“What? No,” he said. “And give that back please.”

“Please don’t lie to me,” she said. “Ha! All that crap about not trusting cults – you just don’t like the Emerald Needle! What’s wrong? You think you’re better than me? You think your demon is better than mine? Everyone knows Alcor is overrated! He’s a sham, the only reason he looks so powerful is trickery and lies!”

“Hey now, I didn’t insult _your_ demon,” Thomas sputtered. “And I’m not in a cult!”

“Oh _please_ ,” she said. “Why else would you have his symbol in your wallet?”

“That’s a long story.” He said. “And I wouldn't call Alcor overrated. I've seen with my own two eyes how  he terrifies other demons.”

“He doesn't scare Exaella,” she said. “I bet she could kick his ass if she wanted to.”

“I’ll let him know," he said, now more than a bit annoyed. “Please give me back my card.”

The star in the center of the summoning circle blinked. Valentina screamed and dropped it.

Thomas put it back in his wallet with a glare. Was Tyrone spying on his date?

“I’m going back to the convention. Have a nice day,” he said, getting up from his chair. “By the way, I’m pretty sure your demon is planning to eat you. You might want to look out for that.”


	3. Advice from Maria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Personally I think your best bet would be humor. Lighten up your conversation with some jokes! That'll ease the mood."

"Did you really consider it?" Tyrone asked that evening, when they were having another quiet movie night with Brad and Eduardo. "If you want to join a cult, at least have _some_ taste and pick one of mine. I've got plenty."

"Thanks but no thanks," Thomas said. He frowned. “That reminds me... Were you spying on my date?”

“What? No no no!” Tyrone said hastily. “But I noticed someone held my card and said my name, so I popped in for a look.”

“And I suppose you do that whenever _anyone_ uses your name.”

“Well… I was curious.”

"We're _all_ curious," Maria butted in, from his computer screen. She was on a vacation with family in Europe, but the time difference and distance weren't enough to dampen her curiosity. "What is this I'm hearing about cults? Keep us in the loop, dude."

"Thomas nearly joined the cult of Exaella," Tyrone said.

"No, I didn't!"

"But you were tempted."

"Maybe for like, a second -"

Maria shook her head with a sigh. "Let me guess: she was beautiful. I swear, you guys lose your heads when you see someone pretty."

"Who? Exaella? She looks like a lawnmower and a squid mashed together," Tyrone said. "I don't know exactly what her appeal is to her cultists but beauty can't be it."

"No, I mean the girl Thomas went out with," Maria said.

"She was," Thomas admitted. He groaned and turned to Brad. "This is your fault."

"How is this _my_ fault?"

"You told me to date a girl who's into demonology. Look how that ended up."

"So you had bad luck, that's no reason to decide this approach doesn't work," Brad said. "They can't all be creepy weirdo's."

"Dude," Eduardo said. "Is that what people think about _us_?"

"Normal is overrated anyway," Maria said.

"Try again," Brad said. "Maybe join a demonology chat room. They're not all about Twin Souls."

"I don't know, maybe I should go back to the books," Thomas said. He liked books. If the advice in them was that bad, nobody'd buy them, right?

"I've got an e-book with pick-up lines, if you want?" Eduardo offered. "Never fails. According to the cover."

"Have you ever tried them?"

"Well, no. I've got my dating sim."

"Oh please. Those books are all nonsense. First off, there's no foolproof way to pick up girls," Maria said, rolling her eyes. "You'll never find anything that works on everyone because duh, we're individuals, doofus. Some girls like confidence in a guy. Others like the shy brooding type. It all depends. Personally I think your best bet would be humor. Lighten up your conversation with some jokes! That'll ease the mood."

"But I'm not funny," Thomas said.

“That _is_ a problem,” she agreed. "Anyway, it's four in the morning here, so I'm going to bed. See you guys in two weeks - and good luck!"

"Are we still on for the boating trip?" Tyrone asked, before she could disconnect.

"Of course we are!" Maria said. "It's way too boring with only my cousins here. I'll summon you, don't worry. Bye now!"

Humor, she said... Too bad he didn't know many jokes.

Well, at least he owned one book that could help with _that_.

* * *

 

**The Date**

He'd met Filippa online, on one of the demonology forums he frequented. She lived nearby and she was actually the one to ask for a face- to-face meeting. She'd taken a minor in demonology in Greece, and she wanted to run some theories by him.

He'd suggested, maybe dinner and a movie?

"It's nice to meet you in real life," she'd greeted him. "I've already had dinner, sorry. But feel free to order something for yourself, I don't mind."

"How about we share a plate of finger food?" Thomas said. "I've heard good things about their tapas."

"Good idea."

"Speaking of food," Thomas said. "Here's a little joke: what do you call a fake noodle?"

Filippa blinked at him. "I don't know."

"An impasta."

"Oh. Haha, yes," she said. "In any case, I read your post about the difference between willingly given blood sacrifice and unwillingly given, and I was wondering if you have any data to back up your claims? Because if so, it could be a big help with my own research."

"I'm always glad to help. It's actually a project of my mentor at the demonology department, so I'd suggest you contact him to get that data. I have his office phone number right here. Hey, do you know what's the opposite of office?”

She looked at him warily. "No."

“On fire!”

She wasn’t laughing.

“It’s funnier when it’s written down,” Thomas said. Damn it, why wasn't she laughing? Didn't she like his jokes or was he boring her?

Quick Thomas, how to save this?

"Here's an interesting fact," he said, brightly. "Did you know that male bees die after mating with the queen?"

And that was the end of that date. Filippa left before the waiter could bring the plate of tapas they'd ordered. Thomas buried his face in his hands.

He was still sitting like that when a pop of displaced air told him that Tyrone had appeared.

“Thomas, I don’t know anything about dating,” Tyrone said, slipping into the freshly vacated seat across from Thomas. “But even I can see you’re terrible at this.”

“Thanks Tyrone, that really lifts my spirits.”

"I mean, wow," Tyrone added. "Where do you even get jokes like that?"

That did it! Thomas glared. "From you, actually."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Thomas folded his arms in front of him. "Remember that deal we made last week? I asked for Transcendence-era books from the famous Pines Library. You got me a stash of cook books, weird magazines about old men and golden chains, and one book with jokes. Which was _not_ what I expected when we made that deal, by the way."

Tyrone's expression was something between horror and hilarity.

"So I tried those," Thomas said, a bit defensively. "Odds are no one has heard those jokes in a thousand years! So they are fresh and original again, right? I thought they were pretty funny."

Tyrone patted his shoulder. "Thomas? I'm sorry. You have the sense of humor of a wrinkly old man."

Thomas pinched the bridge of his nose. There was a headache coming up. And he'd tried so hard too...

Tyrone was eying the plate of finger food.

"You going to finish that?"


	4. Advice from - oh HELL NO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay, we have learned a few things out of your failures," Maria said. "Your many, many failures."

"Okay, we have learned a few things out of your failures," Maria said. "Your many, many failures."

"Rub it in, why don't you."

"I'm just saying, maybe your sense of humor should be less... lame."

"What can I say?" Thomas said. "You guys have rubbed off on me."

"At this rate that will be the only rubbing you get," Maria said.

Thomas groaned at the innuendo. Brad sniggered.  Eduardo hid his laugh behind the popcorn bucket.

Tyrone blinked. "I don't get it."

Now they all stared at him.

"You don't get it?" Maria said. "Okay... does someone need to have the Talk with you?"

"What talk?"

"You know, _the Talk,_ " Eduardo said. He frowned. "Though I dunno how it works for demons."

"Still don't know what you're talking about," Tyrone said.

Brad cleared his throat and whispered something in his ear. Tyrone blinked and then turned red as a tomato.

"Oh-you-mean- _THAT_ -Talk-I̕'̨m͜ ̧g̕ood ̛tha͢n̵k͡s͞!"

"Man," Brad said, a pensive look on his face. "Twin Souls is _way_ off about you."

"Thanks... I think."

Eduardo plopped down on the couch next to Thomas and offered him a grab from the bucket of popcorn. "Why the long face, dude?"

"You really need to ask? I don't know why I keep botching things up," Thomas said. "You guys all had pretty good ideas and I still made a mess of things."

Well, aside from the dating sim. Though it did help him become more confident - if only because it hammered some basic conversation starters in his head.

He made a face. "I guess there's just something wrong with me. Am I trying too hard?"

"Don't be ridiculous, dude, you just have bad luck," Brad said. "Most of the things that went wrong with your dates were totally out of your control."

"It's not you, it's them," Maria said.

"You can practise with the sim again if you like," Eduardo offered.

Well, he'd had advice from Eduardo, Brad and Maria.

Thomas looked at Tyrone, who had paused in his trip to the kitchen.

Tyrone opened his mouth.

Oh hell no. This is where he'd have to draw the line. He'd take Tyrone's advice in many things, but dating? No. Nope, nuh-uh, _definitely not_.

"You know, I think I'm fine," he hurried to say. "I'll find someone eventually. It happens when it happens, you know? No need to rush things."

"You sure?" Tyrone asked. "I could -"

"I've had a lot of practise now," Thomas said. "And you know what they say. You can't chase love."

Eduardo nodded. "That's surprisingly wise of you."

"And mushy," Maria added, elbowing his side. "Ease up with the self-help books, dude. You're turning into a walking motivational poster."

"Yeah, laugh it up," Thomas said. "I've learned my lesson."

"Look on the bright side," Brad said. "At least now you don't have to explain to a girlfriend why Alcor the Dreambender raids your fridge every day."

"I heard that," came from the kitchen, and they shared a laugh.

But it did raise a good point. How was he ever going to tell a significant other the truth about 'Tyrone' without scaring them off?

He wasn't in a rush to have _that_ conversation.

Thomas leaned back on the couch and caught the can of Pitt Tyrone tossed at him.

"So," he said. "You've all been helpfully meddling in my love life the past few weeks. How about yours?"

Brad flushed. "Well... there is this girl I like..."

"Wait!" Maria said. She stole half of Eduardo's popcorn and made herself comfortable on the couch between Thomas and Tyrone. "Right. Now I'm ready. Go on, tell us _everything_."

**Author's Note:**

> Kalanchoe the Vibrant is a demon OC from Neelh.  
> Lady_Phenyx recently had a one-shot about Dipper's sousaphone too (http://archiveofourown.org/works/2709113/chapters/17149804)! That's a coincidence, have we both been rewatching the Gravity Falls shorts at the same time maybe? :-)


End file.
